Hospitality is the art of creating a relaxing, enjoyable, and welcoming environment for those around you. Often we confine this solely to entertaining others. I prefer to broaden my hospitable practice to everything I do every moment of everyday. Why can’t I create a welcoming environment wherever I am, whatever I am doing? Much of what we’d once called good manners ought to be considered as being hospitable. The key focus of practicing hospitality is considering the needs of others.
Some of the most hospitable acts are the simplest; holding the door for a stranger (especially one with full arms), reaching down (or up) for a senior (someone shorter), even just a small smile to the frazzled mother with the screaming infant in line ahead of you. All these simple acts create a welcoming environment around you.
Developing your hospitality provides you with a unique ability that builds and maintains your community & shares God’s kindness.
We aren’t meant to be sole creatures. I think this is made most evident for those who attempt starting a self-sufficient homestead. If you accept the help of your community you’re more likely to succeed at a thriving (albeit less self-sufficient) homestead. If you refuse the help of your community you’re most likely to run yourself into the ground and give up in six years.
It does take a community to survive in this fallen world but there is a lot of flexibility in what that community looks like. Returning to the homesteading example; you might raise your own meat birds but rely on an outside feed source. You could choose to support a local small grain mill directly, the local co-op, or the closest big box feed store. You get to build your community as you see fit, but hospitality is how you treat that community. No one enjoys being in a community that takes advantage of them and leaves them high and dry.
Be cautious, though, that your ‘why’ for being hospitable doesn’t swing too far to either extreme of only helping others so they’ll help you & never letting others help you.
As Christians, sharing God’s kindness ought to concern us to the core of our being. In the most extreme, you have the chance to be the only kind thing in someone’s life. Our world is fallen andso is self-centered, unkind, fast-paced, stressful, angry, rude, frustrating, vile, evil and tiresome (to say in the least). You will find that being a light is far greater a reward than being first at the stop light, having the newest purse (or phone), or eating till you’re fulfilled. Being saved is being called to share God’s kindness.
As women we are specifically called to be caregivers, as evident in our inherited ability to empathize and connect on an emotional level with others.
Etiquette is a set of rules, or better referred to as expectations, of how to act during, and react to, situations in your community. This set of expectations can vary by culture, age, and friend group.
The purpose of etiquette is wildly misunderstood today and I believe many are growing overburdened with anxiety due to the majority of our society dropping or outright rejecting etiquette altogether. Etiquette isn’t intended to control who you are but to prevent confusion, embarrassment, & disquietude in your community.
Etiquette informs us (as a member of a community) of what to expect in the majority of everyday situations as well as uncomfortable, and often, awkward mishaps.
Have you ever avoided an event, declined an invitation, or driven yourself sick with worry because you didn’t know what to expect? Have you ever been in an awkward situation and not know what to say or do to disfuse the atmosphere? This a small sample of anxieties etiquette can alleviate.
Becoming accustomed to the etiquette expectations aids in your ability to always be hospitable.
Naturally we’re all on a journey. Some may be by veterans in making others feel comfortable (physically & emotionally) others may have never considered how their own behavior affects those in their community. Part of a healthily developed skill of hospitality is being understanding, especially of those who seem more lacking in their hospitality. If you consider yourself to be a veteran in the skill, take care to lead by example. In a world where it is more common than not to react quickly, rudely, and hausty we need more women providing patience, understanding, & cool-headedness.
If you find yourself more related to the latter group of having never considered being hospitable at large; find a good group of role models. With social media it is easier now than ever before you find women in similar communities as your own to seek guidance from. Of course it wouldn’t hurt to pick up (and read) a good ole book on etiquette. Build up your knowledge on the thing and then begin implementing it in your everyday life. There is no situation too small, nor too large that you can’t prepare for or find a way to make others comfortable in your presence.
I know I just said hospitality shouldn’t be limited to entertaining but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a good (and simple) place to start. There are a few thoughts that you need to put to bed before you consider house guest and they might seem contradictory at first. Stick with me and you’ll be on your way to creating a welcoming environment without driving yourself mad.
Your guest aren’t going to inspect your home & you don’t need to tidy up for guests.
One sure fire way to ship yourself off to a Betty is to believe you must perform a deep spring cleaning before you can have house guests. Especially in this day when it isn’t common for white gloves to reveal every speck of dust you missed. Take a deep breath. The other other side of this faux pas is believing you shouldn’t be expected to clean or tidy up at all for guests. There is a balance to be struck and a habit to develop.
If you routinely clean and tidy up your house will most likely be guest ready with just a few simple checks. If you don’t routinely clean you might consider this your call-to-arms to start. Dusting once or twice a week before you vacuum will leave your home feeling much cleaner and prepared for guest. Does this mean if you forgot to dust this week you have to cancel your book club? Probably not, if you’ve routinely kept up on it prior. I would suggest keeping a tidy place to sit with drop in guests & keeping the most convenient restroom cleaned & stocked are good habits to get in that will help you feel less stressed and able to focus on your guest.
I have to prepare a 10 course gourmet meal & I don’t need to provide a refreshment it’s 2pm
Breaking bread (the sharing of meals) together as Christians is a huge part of our community. It really brings us together. So much so that we often put higher expectations to deliver on ourselves than any of our guests ever expect. At the same time it is important to offer a small snack at times to make your guest feel welcomed in your community. Try preparing a week’s worth of snacks for your family, if one gets put out for a guest you can always make up another snack later to replace it. Consider when finger food is appropriate (drop in & close relations) & when a forks (scheduled & more formal guests) should be offered. Either way always provide a napkin.
For morning guests I prefer to have an oatmeal cake prepared. These keep fairly well in a cake stand and offer you flexibility with slice sizing, however, muffins are also a great option. Both can be served hot or room temperature and pair well with warm or cool beverages. Consider the outside temperature and the season in making your choices. An afternoon guest might enjoy a light casserole, a cool salad or maybe even tortilla chips and pico de gallo. After dinner guests should expect to be served a dessert or light snack and not a full meal.
As a side note I believe our society has lost the habit of dropping in on our friends and neighbors. Perhaps this too is due to the lack of knowing what to expect and being prepared for it. I make it a point to invite my neighbors, friends, and family to drop in whenever is convenient for them.
My children must be silent & I shouldn’t correct my children around my guests.
Children are always a gift from God but it is our responsibility as mothers to teach them how to behave at all times. Young children need immediate direction whereas other children can be corrected after your guest has left.
You should inform formal guests if your children will be present. This doesn’t need to be awkwardly announcing “my children will be there” but a simple “I’m sure the children would love to meet you” will do. Your close relations should expect your children.
I believe it is polite to introduce your children to all guest, allow them to sit with you as applicable, and to send them out (either to another room to play or out of doors) when needed. I think it is a recipe for disaster to expect your (youg) children to remain quiet and behave indefinitely but that it is good to give them some practice while they are under the ‘influence’ of having a guest. As children get older they can sit and behave for longer periods of time and you can encourage this by including then in the conversation when possible. Naturally you must consider the appropriateness and sensitivity of the conversation. Children naturally repeat what they hear, they don’t do this to be malicious, it’s how they learn.
I must be somber always & I can joke with everyone anytime
Perhaps the greatest difficulty is faced wheb learning to read your company. Close friends and relaxed relations will come to enjoy your refined sense of humor over time. Brief acquaintances may not have the time in your relationship to appreciate your jokes. Vulgarity should be withheld (especially in the presence of children) as best as possible. A man may respect the presence of a woman by refraining from vulgarity likewise. That is to say it is no sign of disrespect for a man to practice refraining his rowdy behaviors when among women.
As you may suspect, becoming too somber with your company is just as discomforting for them. You will find striking the balance between these (and other) extremes to come more naturally with practice. You have to commit to practice. Start small, have your sister got tea, your mother for a chat. Once you’ve gotten the swing of entertaining, look to how you can apply the same principles in all aspects of your life. Hospitality is a service we can pay to each other, one that is just as rewarding to give as it is to receive.
Barley Branch Hollow 